Be the only dork on the whole damned 362 miles of Oregon's coast to be wearing a suit on the beach

Fight dogs for their toys - on their level

Fight soundmen for their soundboards - also on their level

Get Your Friends' Cats Really Drunk

Get your friends' dogs to get you really hammered, then blame it on the dog when you drunkenly take a series of Brokeback-esque photos with the dog

Stick objects in your eyes at bars

Just as a joke, coach people on personal hygiene in ways that are suspect at best

Set fire to your friends' things - or go to bars, put strange lights under your drinks and tell people "I'm from the future."

Take pictures of as many women as possible who are truly disgusted to be seen with you in Portland bars

Take pictures of as many women as possible who are truly disgusted to be seen with you in Manzanita bars (must've been my taste in hair color)

Hypnotize your friends' cats

Take photos like this, then try to bet people if they can guess which one is the mentally challenged individual

Get so sloshed in Lincoln City you try drinking shots with YOUR EAR

Walk into a Manzanita phone booth with no door at 2 a.m., drunk as hell from the bar next door, and pound and scream incoherantly that you're trapped (ahhh...who else misses Gales?)

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