It all begins a couple years ago - with this shot of Old School Guard Space Kittens (the lovely ladies who leave me looped every night at Portland landmark bar Space Room). It's Sally's last night (she's at the very bottom). From left to right, it's Lisa, Megan, Hillary, Krissy and Emily. This rare portrait of ALL the space kittens at the time wasn't arranged at all: in reality, some drunkard was maniacally playing with superglue and glued all the kittens together.

Cab ride to and from Space Room: $30
Drink tab at end of night: somewhere around $50
Witnessing the Space Kitten Dance: PRICELESS

More Kittens Dancing - Lisa and Hillary appear to be doing the "Chicken Dance." Being the Space Room, it's a futuristic version, of course, and one that works in zero gravity as well.

Rudolph ain't got nothin' on this drunk. Hey Santa, pass me that bottle and i'll guide your sleigh tonight....

After a few rounds of god-knows-what, my motor skills and aim add a whole new meaning to the term "problem drinking"

Attempting to Shoot Space Kitten Michelle: a seriously drunken Allison tries to give me the finger - and misses.

Rarrrrrr....it's Space Kittens Michelle and Jess, with Allison squeezing in only as an excuse to reach around in back of the bartenders and grab a bottle for herself.

Liz and Krissy: In trying to satiate some strange need to be siamese twins, they answer the phone at the same time.Truly weird.

Space Kitten or Space Lush? Naughty Michelle takes a nip here and there when she thinks no one is looking.

Girls Behind Glass: Emily and Sarah (known as Robo-Sarah...because she's unreasonably scared of robots) make me smile with their ecstatic reaction at seeing me approach. Ahh....this warms my alcohol-soaked heart. Then I realize it's someone else they're waving at. Sniff....

It's everyone's favorite Grim Reaper: Wes. He's the scary figure who approaches you at the end of the night, hovers over you and reminds you it's closing time. Some of us are thinking about buying him a dark cloak and hood someday.

People Tell Me I Suck. And here I am sucking the soul out of Liz.

Here's Liz. She's a really old-fashioned gal - so old-fashioned in fact that even taking pictures of her inexplicably turn out with a look from the 1890's.

Another blast from the past: Hillary returns from a hunting trip with a trophy that looks remarkably like Megan. It's really quite eerie.

More from Sally's Last Night: the post party at Timmy's pad, with a Megan so sloshed she requires six people to hold her up. What a champ. When I grow up, I hope I can drink like that.

Another Unforgettable Space Room Moment: Some call him hothead. Others call him Zack. In any case, who can forget this insane display of pyrotechnic nutiness?

Yes, our Space Room is full of carnies.